(This “Valentine 2013” piece was written a few months ago. Never published.
I share it with TRAKKER readers.
Look, I swear I have ABSOUTELY NO IDEA, why a few naughty friends recommended that I pen this piece, claiming that I could (allegedly) bring some personal, provocative, insights to it. I mean they pleaded and persuaded! So to divert your tortured, saturated mind and attention from the more gory or mundane goings-on around you, I satisfy my friends request and offer you these thoughts on one current social phenomenon.
It’s not confined to Guyana, but I must locate the issue in the society I know best. The social phenomenon has to do with the relationship between “older”, matured/advanced-age men and much younger twenty-to-thirty –something ladies.
OLE-GUANA, YOUNG LEAF
Guyanese folk wisdom on the matter is expressed in a creole proverb based on actual environmental and survival behavior of the lovable, sometimes edible reptile, the Guyanese IGUANA. The proverb explains that “OLE’ GUANA LOOK FUH YOUNG LEAF – a natural fact, as the matured Iguanas DO find younger leaves and plants more tasty and nutritious. Interpreted, the old folks observe that similarly, many older men seem to prefer the company of females far younger, than they are. Derisively, the older ladies especially declare that “some ole fogeys waan deh wid girls like dey daughters – or granddaughters!”
Well, in the offices, on the sports fields, in the right clubs – openly or discreetly – those that make it their business may indeed observe that, in town and country here, older fellows seem to be engaging the attention of younger females. Whether they-the men- are married or not. Why is this? And what is the response of the young ladies involved?
NEED: FROM SERIOUS TO FRIVOLOUS
The economic challenges, the daily dire status of the now famous Guyanese “single-parent” family often influence, dictate young ladies turning to some old, better off “gentleman” to supply their poor homes, or meagre incomes.
Yes, a few young women do become bored with aggressive virile, but-empty-headed, inexperienced young males. So they turn to their own gender! OR TO THE willing older guy. He, in turn, becomes, in many cases, the financial/survival officer AND a welcome father-figure.
I hesitate here to discuss that which I’m being told too frequently: that in some Indo- or Amerindo communities far away incestuous, father-daughter relationships have been common place for generations; OR that some cold-blooded, survivalist “mothers” even offer up their young girls to predators, for the sake of a “living” No I, instead, am focusing here on those more “voluntary” older-guy-younger-lady” liaisons.
Mind you, aggrieved-or outraged, older wives and matured ladies scoff and denigrate, with much humour, these gender-gap relationships. They cite the immorality, sinful status of the thing of those grownup lotharios as “OLD FOOLS”, “SUGAR-DADDIES” funding the “real girls” who have their permanent, stand-by, young-stud boyfriends. They say those dribbling older guys are “searching for what they’ve already found” – and could end-up regretting their sexcapades, health-wise.
THE SONGS, THE PROVERBS, THE REALITY
There are Jamaican Reggae/Rasta songs like “I’m In Love With A Man Nearly Twice My Age” and “Leave De Young Girls Alone (Big Man You Living Too Dirty”) which explore the situations. (I’m surprised that no witty singer has responded to the latter- like “Young Girls, Leave De Ole Guys Alone (Go Work For Your Money…”)
Then there are two not-so-creole proverbs, which get me into trouble and comedy. The first is “Unmarried Women Is Like Land Without Title” and the next, the hilarious advice which can hurt some of the real older men-lovers: WHEN MAN OF 65 MARRIED GIRL OF 25, IS LIKE BUYING BOOK FUH OTHER PEOPLE READ”. Further, I elaborate not.
Dr. Faith Harding, local Women’s Activist and Psychologist, recently lamented that Guyanese reality of so many “old pot-bellied men” sporting, innocent but needy young girls in their SUV’s and fancy-homes. But Lloyd shared his Internet Wisdom with me recently too.
Amongst the reasons cited for older guys to avoid these gender-gap relationships are disagreements over simple issues like dress, drinks, food and sports; the generation gap that will make the older Lover Guys NEVER understand the young lady’s love of texting, Adrian Dutchin or Concerts that start at 2.00am; the young girl’s inability to appreciate mortgage payments, the guy’s children older than she is, and importantly when the old weakened gentlemen is not up-actually up – to her spontaneous bedroom demands – Viagra or no Viagra/Cialis.
The internet advice concludes thus:
“Initially, you might think that the honeymoon-type tryst sounds great – a whole relationship based on sex and romance – but honeymoons always end. Not only is the intensity of emotion and physical attraction ultimately unsustainable, it’s also a pretty shallow basis for a relationship.
Because she’s among your last, but you’re her first. You have lots of relationship- experience under your belt. You know what you’re looking for in a partner. You know how to weather the storms. You know when to stand your ground and when to compromise. She, however, does not. You are essentially her guinea pig, as she experiments in the field of sex and relationships. Sometimes those experiments will be fun. Other times they’ll blow up in your face.
Not all May-December relationships are disasters waiting to happen, but most of them are. While we’ve outlined the reasons why dating younger women isn’t always the best thing to do, it’s ultimately your choice to make. In the end, if you’re thinking about dating a younger woman, make sure it’s a decision you’re making with your heart and your brain – not with anything in your pants”
Next time, I’ll explore the corresponding phenomenon which Lloyd says is now popular in the USA: Older Women stalking and keeping much younger fellows. I understand its branded “COUGAR” relationships. Former Mrs. Donald Trump, Ivana, and current celebrity Jennifer Lopez, now qualify as popular public “cougars”. But that’s another story. What’s your views? Especially you ladies over fifty?
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